Wow, I haven’t posted on this blog in 23 days!  Oh my…

Well, I have failed myself because I got so caught up in my blogging job that I managed  NOT to find time to do much creative writing.  I’ve decided to attempt to do a monthly check in on how things are going, writing-wise.  At month’s end, which is now…

I did manage to write, edit and submit my first creative non-fiction writing piece.  Woohoo! It’s not a very promising site, so that’s cool because the pay is good and the rejection is not scary at all.

I completely BLEW my deadline of worldbuilding completed by month’s edit, for 2 reasons. First of all, I haven’t done any worldbuilding in at least 2 weeks.  And secondly, a lot of things in life are making a lot of thing in the novel seem more important.  For example, I started reading this book called “The Tao of Abundance”, in addition to the same studying of Christianity and the Bible, and returning once again to read “The Path of Perfection”.  All this spiritual reading is helping me, in an in-depth kind of way, deepen my understanding of the religion I’ve developed for my novel, which is called Brall.

Not long ago, I reported about how I didn’t like my work in progress at one point, then started to like bits of it, and recently it took an “8″ on a scale of 1-10.  But now, if I can get it to work in the way that it needs to, I will be very pleased with it.  My re-write, however, is now far more grueling than I can imagine, but in a way, I don’t want the cavalier “get it out the door” attitude.  I want it not just to be another fantasy book, but to have the revelence, depth and feel of books I love (Time Traveller’s Wife, The Historian, Mysts of Avalon, The Sparrow, The Left Hand of Darkness).  OK, I know, that’s a lot to ask from a first time novelist, but I’m in this for the depth part, not for the ease of it.

Also, I just read “The Parable of the Sower” and it’s influential as well, the intensity of the protagonist’s journey is something like what I want for my heroine’s journey.  A disguised princess exiled in a civil war torn SMALL country and “handicapped” in terms of using her mental powers, the disastrous transformation of a government after a coup, a leader fueled by vengeance, and oh so much more.  Yea, it can be a good book.

I did discover one HUGE problem: every time I try to describe the plot, people walk away bored as I’m talking. Maybe it’s the plot, or maybe it’s my description, which I have not worked on AT ALL.  Holly Lisle’s one pass revision starts with  summarization so perhaps this will help.

Or maybe my plot sucks.  I really REALLY hope not…

I did something dangerous this year: I subscribed to P&W. Now as you know, this is a wonderful publications, but it has 2 downfalls: it is FILLED with MFA programs (costly, unattainable dream of mine), and it can come off as pretentious. Other than that, though, there are some wonder bits of advice and great articles with editors and published authors.

This month features Toni Morrison. I have yet read her books, but I’m quite aware of them. I’m reading about her latest, “Mercy”, and it sounds wonderful but I’m definitely intimidated.  How does she come up with these amazing plots, how does she weave fabalism into it?

This then gets me thinking. I have come to the conclusion that I am at heart a fantasy writer, no getting around it, but I WANT to be more literary than that. Which is not to say that a fantasy writer CAN’T be literary (Octavia Butler, Ursula LeGuin, Marion Zimmer Bradley), but there’s a part in me that says this current book I’m writing is good, but it has in no way tapped my true potential.  I just spent the other night completing “To Kill a Mockingbird”, which in a long life of reading books, has to be the single most perfect book I’ve ever read. As my friend just said, perhaps it is the best book ever written.  I spent the night wishing I was Harper Lee…

Back when I had the money to attend WriterStudio.com, I was becoming a better writer. This is my gift, and when I put blood, sweat and tears in the CRAFT (not the grunt work), it’s amazing what I can tap into and put on the page. (For me, this is both a Calling and a Gift.)

All THAT being said, I also am coming to enjoy and envy the SF/F writing crowd. They write for a LIVING. Can I do that and maintain the level of craft that I really do want to achieve? I don’t want to write just to entertain (although I do appreciate and highly value authors who do), I want to MOVE people. I can’t see the point otherwise.

I’m not sure how to get there and I’m a little scared of the journey too. Years back, I took a poetry workshop, back when poetry was something I just plugged into and barely needed to edit. I could see how people were knocked out by my stuff, some of whom had taken numerous workshops. It was natural to me, back then, and the RUSH was quite heady. My ego does not need that kind of temptation now, I’m already in love with anything excellent I write.  (Deal with it. Writers need a certain amount of hubris.)

How to I get the real talent that I know lies within me out? Can this sub-par novel I’m writing be something more, something transcendent? Am I in the wrong genre? Then why do all my plot idea pan out as fantasy in some manner?

Too many questions. Write later, take day off…