Writing Again??

I know this is a recurring theme for me, but let me explain. I keep getting this message about how you can’t sit in 2 chairs at the same time: if you’re good at two things, you can only really excel at one.

More or less, I had decided that it would be web design, my business that is, and NOT writing. I keep praying about it, but lately I’ve been reading some AMAZING fiction and I thought well, that is it, that’s my role, to be a reader not a writer. But when I reading this fantastic stuff, it’s like a tide that pulls me under and makes me want to write, write, write.

But I still stand back in fear of it, and time is a pressing issue too. How can I justify hiring a babysitter for writing? Can I justify a sitter for a workshop, a writing course, a degree in professional writing? I need a sitter so that I can make money at what I do now (my web design business) to make money for the sitter that I also need to write and study writing.. augh!!!!

More time went by and a friend asked me to proofread her business e-book. I am SO good at this. I was doing it, and then realized that I should get paid doing it, and that I was getting high off of editing her book. REALLY. Which brought back the idea of writing professionally, fiction and otherwise, again, and of course my characters having been waking from their dead sleeps to nag me as well.

OK, I should do it but for now I’m stilll focusing on my business.

Do I even want to????? I’m no longer sure. I am absolutely terrified that I suck as a writer.

Cut to Sunday, we started attending a new church with an amazing band and a pastor nearly as amazing as our old one, and I felt uplifted but I know I can’t sing and that childhood dream is dead (as it should be).

But I can WRITE. I can do that praising God thingy with my awesome plug and play poetry. OK, that sounds conceited but “plug and play” really isn’t - I just sit and let God fill me with the words.

Which leads me to: what next?

Option 1: keep working, ignore my writing.
Option 2: stop working, do my writing
Option 3: take a workshop, somewhere, ANYWHERE, finish degree in writing, or at least start process of that and keep working
Option 4: find a way to work with lots of outsourcing, target degree, get some experience, start picking up my characters.
Option 5 (the winner): Follow God on this whole thing.

Finally, I had a dream the other day that I went to London. As a kid, I had always wanted to go and finally in adulthood saved up and went - it didn’t live up my expectations at all. In this dream, I was returning to London, wiser, older, not alone (don’t ask me who with - I didn’t appear to have a family in this dream). I was terrified that it would suck as much as the first time. I came out of the metro, emerging at an odd time and -

Woke up. The dream means this: do what you want, and make it what you want. And writing and London were so tied up together that I know it was a clue, an indication for me to get back to what I was put on this earth to do.